A moral civilization is built in large part by parents. As the next generation of society, children are shaped by their environment, moral guidance, and teachings that begin at home—that is, by their parents. Muslim women have the obligation of taking care of their children, as the Prophet ﷺ, “A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and is responsible for them.” (Bukhari: 7138). However, many of us think raising children is the sole duty of mothers, and the father’s responsibility is only financial support. Oftentimes, many fathers don’t want to deal with their kids or the affairs happening in their house when they get home from work. Nonetheless, several stories found in the Quran and Hadith highlight the active role fathers played in raising children. It is noteworthy that these lessons are equally applicable to mothers as well, as the Prophets are all role models for not just males but as well as females.
Prayers of the father for his children and dependents
Active fatherhood starts with the aspiration of bringing up well-mannered children. It is noteworthy, that prayers that are often recited for the good upbringing of children are recited by prophets, i.e. fathers. As an illustration, consider the words “My Lord! Bless me with righteous offspring” (37:100) from Ibraheem’s عليه السلام prayer. Zakariya عليه السلام prayed, saying, “My Lord! Grant me, by your grace, righteous offspring” (3:38). These two prophets asked for “righteous” children—children who would spread the word of Tawheed and benefit others. Thus, a father ought to wish for a child who not only carries on his family line but also one who upholds Tawheed and leads a moral life by adhering to the teachings of the Qur’an and Sunnah.
Communication Matters
The name that fathers use to address their children has a huge impact on their connection. Luqman addresses his son as “Ya Bunayya” before offering advice (31:16). In 37:102 Ibrahim عليه السلام addresses Ismail عليه السلام with the same expression, meaning “My dear son!” Therefore, gentleness is a better method for a father to show his children love than calling them names that are inappropriate in an attempt to assert his dominance and authority. On the other hand, name-calling can be upsetting, make kids feel worthless and powerless, and negatively impact the bond between father and children.
The majority of kids feel more at ease confiding in their mothers than in their fathers. Children frequently use their mothers as intermediaries to reach their fathers. The communication gap that exists between fathers and their children is a sad reality. However, the incidents recorded in the Quran highlight how crucial it is for fathers and children to have a healthy dialogue. For instance, when Yusuf عليه السلام as a young child saw a strange dream, the first person he shared the dream with was Ya’qub عليه السلام, his father. “O my dear father! Indeed, I dreamt of eleven stars, and the sun, and the moon, I saw them prostrating to me!” (12:4). Fathers should create a safe space where kids feel free to express themselves. If their relationship is nourished with love, affection, safety, and security, then this becomes feasible.
In communication, feedback and listening are essential components. Yaqub عليه السلام acted as an attentive listener in the aforementioned incident, taking his time to hear his son’s dream. “O my dear son! Do not relate your vision to your brothers, or they will devise a plot against you. Surely Satan is a sworn enemy to humankind” (12:5). This demonstrates that in addition to listening to his young son, Yaqub also provided him with sound guidance.
Getting feedback from the kids and giving them a chance to voice their thoughts on issues that affect them is another essential component of communication. Ibrahim عليه السلام asked his son, “O my dear son! I have seen in a dream that I (must) sacrifice you. So, tell me what you think” (37:102). This is crucial because, as the head of the household, the father, as a strong figure often demands obedience from others. However, the Prophet عليه السلام sought his son’s consultation rather than giving him orders.
Father as a role model
Kids enjoy role-playing what they see, and parents serve as the modeling figures that kids look up to. Fathers’ ought to set a good example for their kids. Fathers are the ones who regularly interact with society outside. Youngsters initially view society through the prism of their fathers. Ibrahim عليه السلام involved his son Ismail عليه السلام in the revered construction of the Kaaba. “And remember when Abraham raised the foundation of the House with Ishmael” (2:127). The significance of cooperation between a father and a child is demonstrated by this verse. For example, taking a child to a mosque or volunteering with their father, allowing the child to witness their father giving charity, etc. Children learn the value of good deeds when they participate in and observe a father’s worship and his involvement in the community.
Convey good and prohibit evil!
Advising, correcting, and teaching the kids are all parts of active parenting. Children who receive consistent, gentle guidance are better able to assess their actions and make successful life decisions. Although Luqman was not a prophet, to whom Allah bestowed wisdom, this was the counsel he gave his son:
“O my dear son! Never associate anything with Allah in worship, for associating others with Him is truly the worst of all wrongs.” (31:13)
“Luqmân added, ˺ “O my dear son! Even if a deed were the weight of a mustard seed—be it hidden in a rock, the heavens, or the earth—Allah will bring it forth. Surely Allah is Most Subtle, All-Aware” (31:16).
“O, my dear son! Establish prayer, encourage what is good, forbid what is evil, and endure patiently whatever befalls you. Surely this is a resolution to aspire to. (31:17)
“And do not turn your nose up to people, nor walk pridefully upon the earth. Surely Allah does not like whoever is arrogant or boastful. (31:18)
“Be moderate in your pace. And lower your voice, for the ugliest of all voices is certainly the braying of donkeys.” (31:19).
These verses are full of lessons for Muslims and contain invaluable advice from a father to his son. However, we are concerned about Luqman’s gentle parenting style. He discouraged bad values and instilled good ones. If the child misbehaves, it is the father’s duty to rectify him and set him back on the correct path. Mothers frequently threaten with “I’ll tell your dad” when their children misbehave; this usually stops the misbehavior, primarily because the child is afraid of their father. Dads take on the role of the home’s police officers. However, the child should quit misbehaving, understanding their father would be upset with them and not because of fear of being hit or smacked. This occurs when fathers and children have a positive, loving relationship because no one wants to disappoint someone they love.
Mutual respect, love, and affection
Most of the time, fathers don’t demonstrate the respect and love they expect from their kids. Kids mostly don’t understand the value of financial assistance until they are older. Children only observe their fathers’ behavior in their presence, and they make assumptions about them based on that.
Aaisha رضي الله عنها said “I did not see anyone who more resembled the Messenger of Allah, ﷺ in the manner of speaking than Fatima. When she came to him, he stood up for her, made her welcome, kissed her, and had her sit in his place. When the Prophet came to her, she stood up for him, took his hand, made him welcome, kissed him, and made him sit in her place” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad: 971).
This demonstrates that not only did Fatima رضي الله عنها treat her father with respect and kindness, but the Prophet ﷺ, as a father, also demonstrated respect and love by standing up and giving his daughter a kiss when she entered. Once more, demonstrating the value of showing love and respect to children should not be viewed as a sign of weakness.
Ultimately, it is our responsibility as Muslim women to provide our kids with a secure, loving, and caring environment. We should directly apply these lessons to parenting, as we are the ones most accountable for taking care of our kids. We also need to gently and persistently remind our husbands, brothers, sons, and fathers of their parental responsibilities. When both parents dedicate their time to raising their child, the child will grow up with moral principles. We need to remind our men that they are not just financial contributors to a family; rather, they are role models and leaders for the well-being of a family.
All Hadith are quoted from https://sunnah.com/
All Qur’an verses are quoted from https://quran.com/
By Bint Ahamed Ali
IQRA ACADEMY 